Taako
Taako Taaco is a player character controlled by Justin McElroy. He is a high-elf wizard with a chaotic good alignment. He is an acolyte of Oghma, a god of wizardly shit, with a focus of Transmutation. Taako is a "simple bad ass wizard," a kleptomaniac, and is allergic to peanuts. He is originally from New Elfington. Prior to joining up with Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides he hosted a traveling cooking show, 'Sizzle It Up with Taako' until 40 people died during his final show. Powers and Abilities * Right-handed * Darkvision * Advantage on saving throws against being charmed * Immunity to magical sleep * Minor alchemy (may slowly transmute wood, stone, iron, copper, and silver into any one of the others) Spells * Mage Hand * Ray of Frost * Shield * Sleep * Dark Vision * Charm Person * Thunderwave * Levitate * Detect Magic * Magic Missile * Melf's Acid Arrow * Blink * Rope trick * Scorching Ray * Disguise Self * Clairvoyance * Crown of Madness * Enlarge/Reduce * Phantom Steed (named Garyl) * Fireball * Shatter * Prestidigitation * Minor Illusion * Phantasmal Killer * Evard's Black Tentacles * Gust of Wind * Stoneskin * Knock * Cone of Cold * Wall of Force * Wall of Stone * Otiluke's Resilient Sphere * Planar Binding * Ice Storm * Leomund's Secret Chest * Arcane Eye * Cloudkill * Mislead * Bigby's Hand * Disintegrate * Banishment * Polymorph * Fire Shield * Fabricate * Dominate Person * Animate Objects * Greater Invisibility * Flesh to Stone * Tasha's Hideous Laughter * True Seeing * Hunger of Hadar Items Big ups to @JimmyMarks for creating this. Current Items Former Items Official Outfits Usually, Taako is dressed as a typical elf wizard. Occasionally, the gang gets some new threads! Petals to the Metal: The Mongoose! In Ep. 23, Taako takes on the racing persona of the Mongoose, complete with mask. Very surprisingly dangerous. You know not everything has to be a joke. Crystal Kingdom: Safety First! Everyone, even Steven, gets a null suit to counteract the crystalization of Lucas's lab. The Eleventh Hour: Skirt time! In Ep. 41, Taako visits Fantasy Costco and gets a skirt. Length: flirty. Color: mauve or salmon. Don't even trip. Chaos Stadium: Tuff Greg In The Adventure Zone Presents: The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular, Taako takes on the wrestling persona of Tuff Greg. He's dressed exactly like a member of one of the crew of Chaos Stadium, 100%. It's a little meta. Known Physical Traits Disclaimer: The McElroys do not consider their versions of their characters any more "canon" than anyone else's - there is no obligation to stick to these in fanart, so please do not be rude to people who ignore these traits. History: Early Life Taako has been on his own since he was 12 years old and on. He made his living with troups of performers and mercenaries, trying to find a place where he belonged. He didn't have any marketable skills, couldn't fight, fly, or crow. He learned to make himself useful by being a chef, a skill his aunt taught him, to pay his way with the traveling crews. He learned during his travels to avoid fights as an instinct because he couldn't defend himself. He taught himself magic from books he picked up and from wizards he traveled around with. He used his magic skills as a way to elevate his cooking and to peak up audience attraction for his traveling cooking show, Sizzle It Up with Taako. He toured many different cities with his show, keeping his traveling tour spirit in mind, with his driver/roadie/stage manager/right hand man, Sazed. Sazed thought Taako "hung the moon" and learned how to cook during their travels together. As the show grew in popularity, Sazed asked to do more and more with the show, even asking to co-host the show and change the name to Sizzle It Up with Taako and Sazed. Taako said no, due to merchandising issues and maintaining his brand. Six years before Taako's adventure with Merle and Magnus begun, Sizzle It Up had entered Glamorsprings, a town that enjoyed the show before and had a turn out of 40 people. He prepared his famous 30 Garlic Clove Chicken for his audience that day. During the show he showboated his magical skills, transmutating things like salt into sugar, when he had a whole barrel of it, skinning chicken and then transmutating the chicken into chicken with skin on it. Unbeknownst to Taako, the chicken he had prepared has been poisoned by Sazed, and had killed everyone who had eaten it after his show. When the first person fell, Taako and Sazed ran. He assumed that the garnish of elderberries he had used on the chicken had been unwittingly transmuted into deadly nightshade, and he didn't noticed due to the similarities between the berries. The two of them drove for two days before looking back, and Sazed abandoned him as soon as he had the opportunity. When going through his past memories with June, he encounters a lot of static in his memories. Aside from his cooking transmutation, Taako had only just learned enough magic to be dangerous before starting his adventures with Magnus and Merle. Here There Be Gerblins Taako meets Magnus and Merle through Craig's List, a list posted by Craig each day, and they all agree to work a job from Gundren Rockseeker transporting good to Phandalin after being promised it's "The Last Job You'll Ever Need". The three travel with the good only to stop after finding two of Gundren's horses, dead on the road with a map on the bodies. The boys are attacked by goblins outside and follow the map into a cave, in search of Gundren and his hired hand, Barry Bluejeans. After exploring the cave, they find the goblin's break room, with Barry knocked out there. After a skrimish, one of the goblins, Yeemik barters with Magnus, Merle and Taako with Barry Bluejeans' life to overthrow Klarg, their new ruler. After agreeing to these terms, the adventurers try to intimidate Klarg and his wolves. The group fights, ending with Taako charming Klarg. The boys break the news to Klarg that Yeemik wants him dead. Klarg insists that this isn't case and calls Yeemik into his office and begins another tussle. After the goblins are defeated, Klarg enlightens the boys over a cup of tea that while Barry was there, Gundren was sold to the Black Spider. After an extended hug session, Magnus, Merle, and Taako hurry out of the cave to avoid Klarg awakening from his Charm, and rescue Barry from the caves. The group goes Phandolin to recoop and use the Charmed Rockseeker map to find where Gundren would have been taken to. The map points to Sword Mountains, specifically Wave Echo Cave. The trio leaves, leaving Barry to heal more and recover. During their exploration of the cave, they come across a young orc woman, Killian. Killian, frazzled from finding people there, ask them if they're searching for something blurred out by static, threatening their lives. After Magnus, Merle, and Taako prove that they're not hunting an item, just looking for Gundren, Killian spares them and fights along side them in the cave. Killian is then taken, forcing the boys to go deeper into the cave. After this the come across The Black Spider, also known as Magic Brian and his magic spider, Bryan, who has both Gundren and Killian. They duel, Taako delivering the final blow on Magic Brian and rescue Killian and Gundren. Killian separates from the group, continuing her search, and the boys find a skeleton looking towards the entrance, wearing just a red robe holding the Umbra Staff. Merle inspects the staff, tries to contest it's power and take it and is flung backwards from its power. Unfazed by this, Taako takes his turn, and successfully grabs the cane from the skeleton. The skeleton then looks up at Taako and both the robe and the skeleton both disintegrate. The group then turns its attention to Gundren, causing Merle casts Zone of Truth, making Gundren tell the boys about the vault in Wave Echo Cave that is full of treasures and powerful items. They follow him to the vault and enter with Gundren. In the vault, the group just finds a body with a gauntlet on. Killian then finds them in the vault, dissapointed with them for leaving again. Once Killian sees the gauntlet though, she draws her crossbow on them. Gundren and Killian begin to fight over the gauntlet, ending with Gundren taking it and putting it on. Gundren is then engulfed in flames and when they subside, he flies out of the room like a fireball. Killian tells the boys that they all need to stop Gundren before he destroys the world. They follow Gundren's path of destruction and on their way, the group finds a caravan of scavengers, with an imprisoned young orc boy, Kurtze, on the back of their wagon. Magnus, Merle, and Taako fight the ruffians and free the orc child, before continuing their hunt for Gundren. They follow Gundren to Phandolin and find him cornering Barry Bluejeans. Merle tries to soothe Gundren, and calm him down from the thrall of the glove. Gundren starts to simmer down but once an arrow is shot at his back Kurtze though, Gundren is enraged again. He kills Barry in the process of finding who shot him and is taken over by the gauntlet again. Killian drags Magnus, Merle, and Taako into a well in the center of town and Gundren along side Phandolin are both destroyed. After the explosion has subsided, the boys exit the well, finding Gundren's body and the gauntlet. They take it off of him, Taako avoiding the call of the gauntlet. After confronting Killian about the gauntlet and the fate of Phandolin, they learn that she's in a group trying to prevent things like this from happening. They follow her onto a "big glass ball" that's similar to a hot air balloon and up to the moon, up to Bureau of Balance. Murder On The Rockport Limited = The Eleventh Hour Taako learned looking back through his memories with June that the poisoning that happened in Glamorsprings was not his fault in transmutating berries, but was a betrayal by Sazed, who had used arsenic in some of the food Taako was preparing. Trivia: * Due to a magical accident with his first spell, everything he drinks tastes like key-lime Go-Gurt. * Taako has seen Magnus's ass sometime between the Craig's List Ad and the Here There Be Gerblins arc. * Taako was once killed by Magic Brian during a magical wizard duel in Wave Echo Cave. * In The "The Adventure Zone" Zone, Justin stated that Taako is gay. The reason that it has not been directly addressed in canon is because Griffin pointed out that his high-pitched, effeminate voice could be construed as a stereotype. Justin has reconfirmed this on Twitter. https://twitter.com/JustinMcElroy/status/780199750851104768 * While living in the dorms, Taako took the top bunk (above Magnus). Although he wears footie pajamas, Taako also sleeps in a sleeping sack due to his night terrors. * Prior to their adventure in Goldcliff, Taako had never been in a garage before. * The animal that most characterizes his state of being is a mongoose. * His favorite candy is Ferrero Rocher. * Taako avoids cooking for people he cares about because he is afraid of poisoning them, which he revealed to Angus in a Lunar Interlude. * Taako wears "flirty length" skirts for summer as heard in Ep. 41: The Eleventh Hour - Chapter One. * He enjoys fishing as heard in Ep. 50: Lunar Interlude IV: The Calm Before The Storm. * Taako has died eight times without crossing to the astral plane, according to Kravitz. * Despite referring to the sweets he made for everyone during Candlenights as "macaroons," Taako's description of the ingredients used suggests he actually made macarons, which are almond-based unlike macaroons (coconut-based.) It is unclear if Taako is calling macarons "macaroons" (a common error) or if Justin does not know the pronunciation difference. * All of Taako's spells are exquisite, as heard in The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular. * Trusts no one. Items Taako has stolen: * Gold and Silver pieces (taken from a dead gerblin) - ended up splitting them with the rest of the party * Sack full of Golden Teeth (stolen from Yeemick's corpse, another gerblin) * Magic Boots of Striding and Springing (stolen from Thardin's corpse) - Given to Magnus * 320 Gold (stolen from a lock box) * Enchanted feather duster (stolen from Killian) * Bag of coins (stolen from Davenport) * Golden tiara (stolen from empty train car) - sold to Fantasy Costco * Silver serving set (originally belonging to Angus, stolen from empty train car) - gave 3 forks back to Angus, sold to Fantasy Costco * Briefcase (stolen from empty train car) * Stun baton (stolen from unconscious goblin ruffian) * Kravitz's heart Known Components of Tacos Taako is on a noble quest to find a perfect alternative to a sandwich in all of its cheesy goodness. References and Footnotes Category:Player characters